1999 FALL SEASON GAME REPORTS

GAME 1: HOOTERS TWIRLED ALL OVER THE ICE TO WIN 4-2 PLUS KEVIN W. GOT REHABILITATED.
The game was done in the first period. Excellent passing and understanding among players resulted in an early goal scored by Willy from Ed (another good addition to Hooter's team power). Willy missed the ice so much by mostly playing soccer during the long seasonal break and twirled around the ice like crazy. It worked and he scored again soon on a pass from Skipper who made his fast offensive serpentine cruise. 2-0. Then Jeff, Eugene and Danny played off a combination and Eugene passed the puck to Danny from behind the net. Danny sent it in the net despite the defenseman who was literally sitting on Danny's neck. 3-0. The long seasonal break worked well for Ivan who found himself a girl-friend by playing women's hockey. Inspired Ivan skated so fast that from the bench looked fuzzy. Finally, Ed passed to Ivan-The Desperate and bang! 4-0. Everything happened in the first period. And then Hooters decided that Kevin W. had to pay the price for missing so many games during summer season and relaxed. All second period the Brewery pounded Hooters net but could only score one goal. 4-1. In the third they increased pressure even more and the ice underneath Kevin almost melted. The Brewery was close to exhaust but a sudden blaster in the upper corner of the net made it 4-2. In the next 2 minutes the Brewery pulled its goalie but could not score and Hooters almost scored an open-netter. Almost. 4-2, end of story.   

GAME 2: WINGED HOOTERS ECLIPSED NORTH STARS WITH A SKY HIGH SCORE OF 8-5
Five (5)-3 in the first period, 3-0 in the second and 0-2 in the third and here is the story. The game started with the short bench again, besides Greg took position in the net. In a few minutes the puck went in the Hooters net. 0-1. In a minute Ivan-The Desperate blasted a one-timer right under the roof on a pass from Ed. 1-1. Two more goals were scored in a matter of minutes by Danny on a pass from Eugene and Ed on a pass from Jeff. 3-1. Greg was still trying to switch his mind from defense-like thinking to the goalie's one when the 12th Star scored two goals to tie the game. Hooters increased pressure and moved the play into the offensive zone. Ed made a clear pass to Eugene who blasted it in the net. 4-3. Soon Jeff made a solo trip to score the 5th goal. Greg started making really good saves and 5-3 advantage made Hooters hungry for more goals. In the beginning of the second period they played off a combination and Rob scored a goal on a pass from Ed. And then Eugene scored another goal on a rebound from Ed, who deserved to be called Ed-The Playmaker.
7-3 in the second period made Stars' eyes faded. They faded even more when Willy robbed the defenseman made it to the net and after being tripped by the goalie got airborne but moved the puck around the goalie's stick and in the open net. 8-3. In the third Hooters expected Stars to attack and decided to stay somewhat back. It allowed the 12th Star to score a couple of goals to make it 8-5. At the end of the game Hooters missed the open net again. Good game! 

GAME 3: OUTLAWS WERE OUTCASTED BY HOOTERS TROOPERS 5-0.
A hat trick by Ed and the first shut-out by Kevin W., otherwise Outlaws sucked causing collisions, roughness and penalties. An outlaw was finally called "Dick" by the referee who then kicked his dicky butt off the ice. Well deserved treatment. A rain of shots by Hooters could have made the double digit score easily should Hooters be a little more accurate. During three periods of lawful offensive Ed, Willy, Ivan, Eugene, Dan could not believe they missed so many chances. Was opponent's goalie the reason, or the ice was messy, or the puck squared up? Hell knows. In the first Ed scored a solo goal and in a few minutes another one on a pass from Ivan. 2-0. The score was held for too long and Greg decided to show an example and lead the team to stronger aggression. He moved the puck across the ice and put it in the net. 3-0. Skipper said: "No problem I can that too and rushed to the offensive zone". And Eugene thought: "I may pick some garbage", and was at the net by the time Skipper shot the puck. Eugene did pick the garbage and tipped it in the net to make it 4-0. Later in the third Dan assisted Ed with a hat trick. 5-0. Outlaws gave up quite easy and could not create any serious problems for Kevin W. who finally enjoyed his first shut-out of the season. If he keeps playing every game he's got a good perspective to improve his shut-out record.

GAME 4: CRISPY DEAD WING BONES CRUNCHED UNDER HOOTERS' SKATES 7-1.
Dead Wings, Champions of the summer season, rushed into offense from the face-off. In a minute Chong-Wong-Dong made a killer slap shot from the blue line and the puck hit the net right in the upper left corner above the Kevin W.'s right ear. This one was unstoppable. At this point short-bench Hooters started playing their own solid hockey pattern and kept the Deads from rising. Happy Halloween! 2-1 in the first, 2-0 in the second and 3-0 in the third made it 7-1. Whirling all over the ice Hooters managed to keep DW away from the defensive zone and move the game to the center ice and the offensive zone most. Willy tied the game at 1 a piece on a pass from Ed, who then scored two goals in the row from Rob and Jeff. 3-1. Eugene got a pass from Ed, took a shot and Greg sent the puck under the roof on the rebound. 4-1. Jeff was pushy as always. Surrounded by a bunch of Wings he made it to the net and when the goalie grounded to level zero Jeff put the puck in the net. But the funniest episode happened later when Ed skated in the zone on the left wing position and brought the puck to the corner. Being checked by the defenseman he seemed to be done with the play but when the Dead goalie made a crazy move behind his own net Ed centered the puck. Eugene was there with his eyes wide open in front of the wide open net and the puck on his hook. Boom, 6-1. Greg suggested that Hooters score three more goals on the crunched Wings but time allowed to score just another one. Willy center passed to Ed who made a twist and airborned the puck to the net. 7-1. The snowman's footprints were found in the locker room after the game. They turned out to belong to Rob. Now he's got his nickname Rob-The Big Foot. Dead Wings were done that night and so were 100 hot chicken wings and 16 pitchers of Bud at Woodlake Square that night. Happy HELL-A-WIN!  

GAME 5: HOOTERS ALMOST FELL THROUGH THE ICE HOLES BUT STUCK IN 'EM 3-3.
The drilling rig drilled the hole in the Hooters defense early in the first and passed to a "man from the North" (a new ice hole), who tipped the puck in. 0-1. It did not surprise anybody as Hooters use to allow the opponents to score the first goal early in the first period. Hooters always come back hard after that. Soon Holes put another one resulted from the efforts of The Rig and The Man from the North. 0-2. End of the first. In the second period Ed played the puck and sent it along the net where Danny parked to deflect it. 1-2. Messy hockey continued through the entire second period with a bunch of penalties nostly on the Ice Holes who played rough enough to get them. In the middle of the third period Hooters started stuffing Holes really hard. Ivan passed to Eugene who played around the defenseman and the goalie and scored the goal. 2-3. Ice Holes were locked in their own zone but still had a few chances to counterattack. Kevin W. took care of that pretty well. The puck got to Skip, who parked at the blue line to lock the zone. He took a shot and the puck slipped in the tiny opening between the post and the goalie's skate. 3-3. In the overtime Hooters popped up their attractions through the Ice Holes but the score remained the same. 3-3 in OT.       

GAME 6: BAD LUCK AND WHAT THE F... 2-3 OT.
Not much to say other than the game was doomed to failure as the team spirit was low that night and nothing seemed to really work. The first goal was scored by Jeff who wristerred the puck to the corner of the net. Wow! 1-0 in the first. Now Greg wristerred one in from the blue line early in the second. 2-0. Now Oil Kings regrouped and changed the way they played. Dump and chase tactics, taking shots from the blue line created problems for Hooters who could hardly clear the zone. One of this shots was deflected by #11 (Marc Tuchnet) to make it 1-2 in the second. The entire third period both teams were trying to score but were not lucky enough. Danny and then Eugene had excellent chances but did not perform enough to score. Hooters were getting tired and allowed Kings to shoot and shoot and shoot while #11th's butt was hanging out near the crease all the time. Greg picked on him pretty hard but the puck shot from the blue line hit Marc's stick and went in above Kevin W.'s shoulder. Less than 1 minute left to play the game and Hooters got pissed off big time. In the overtime, Greg let #11 rob him and got one-on-one. Kevin W. stopped the initial shot, but #11 tipped in the puck on the rebound. Surely Kevin W. could not see the puck that jumped out from nowhere bouncing like a piece of shit. 2-3 in OT. Letting one opponent to score the only three somewhat cheap goals, two of which were scored in a matter of two final minutes sucked big time. Even Bud light was too bitter that night and food got stuck in the throat. Hooters' girls were not as attractive as usually.   

GAME 7: AMERICANS GOT KICKED IN THEIR BUTTS BY BOUNCING HOOTERS 4-1.
The game started with a heavy pressure on Hooters. Nobody seemed to believe that Hooters with their short bench would withstand such pressure during all three periods. But not only they did. In the first period the game was made. Danny opened the score when the ref awarded him with a penalty shot. 1-0. Soon after that Hooters played a combination and Eugene passed the puck from behind the net and Jeff rocketed the puck under the roof. 2-0. Later in the first the puck came to Ivan and he sent it in the upper corner from the sharp angle. Wow! 3-0 in the first. Hooters remembered that last season Americans came back in the third, tied the game and won it in the overtime. That is why Hooters skated well throughout the entire second period. Americans got nervous and were "rewarded" with a bunch of penalties. At the end of the second period Skipper stopped the puck at the blue line, moved forward and put it in the net. 4-0 leaving Yankees a very little hope. Kevin played very well and Hooters' defense looked solid enough to keep Americans away from the defensive zone. No shots, no goals. At the end of the third period shorthanded Hooters allowed Americans to score a goal and that was it. The game was made and Hooters are on top!      

GAME 8: CAT # 5 SQUEEZZZED HOOTERS 2-4.
Hooters started the game slightly disorganized. Willy did not show up. In addition Greg had to play goalie. During the first period Panthers were pressing Hooters, who managed to keep the play in the center zone but not for long. Cat # 5 exploded by scoring two goals and assisting another two to make it 0-4 after the first period. Hooters came back in the second and had numerous scoring chances denied by the Cat-goalie who played very well. Greg made quite a few really good saves. During one of the attacks Danny centered  the puck from behind the net. Eugene was there ready to take the chance. Skate-stick-net combination made it 1-4. A light in the end of the tunnel? Early in the third Jeff went one-on-one but was tripped by a Cat (Cats love to trip) and was rewarded with a penalty shot, which he performed very well to make it 2-4. The time was running out while Hooters were twirling all over the ice. Skipper, Eugene, Ed, Jeff, Danny and Ivan had lots of chances but needed some more time and the clock did not reverse. A good but late come back.

GAME 9: HOOTERS TURNED BLACK HAWKS INTO GREEN PARROTS 5-3.
Hooters' energy level exceeded expectations that night. One could feel it in the locker room and on the bench. Typically rough Black Hawks used their elbow skills to knock Hooters down but it did not work and Hawks got kicked in their groins with Hooters knees. Early in the first Eugene got a pass from Danny and opened the score on a rebound of his own shot. 1-0. Soon a miraculous shot by Ivan from Danny hit the net and Hooters led 2-0. Hawks speeded up and a killer shot from the blue line passed Kevin W. to make it 2-1. Hawks seemed to be coming back but Jeff deflected the puck shot by Rob under the roof. 3-1. Then Eugene played around the Hawks and took a shot. The puck got back right on the Danny's hook and then rested in the net. 4-1. Considering a rain of denied shots the score might be a lot bigger. In the third the Hawks intensified their offensive and managed to score two goals, one was crazy enough as the puck slowly rolled over Kevin W. shoulder, made a few pirouettes and slipped into the net near the post. Another one was played well by a Hawk who got one-on-one and overplayed Kevin. 4-3. Hooters could not take any more chances and locked Hawks in their zone. Greg took a shot from the blue line and it hit the Ivan's stick that was placed in the right spot and the puck rocketted in. 5-3. This game secured Hooters position in the playoffs.

GAME 10: JUST LIKE ON HELL-A-WIN AND SEX-GIVING HOOTERS CELEBRATED CRISP-ASS BY EMPTYING THE HOUSTON BREWERY RESERVOIRS 5-0.
This one was a historical mark game on a few reasons:
- Greg played so well in the net and shut-out the Brewery.
- Rob has finally recieved a special ordered replacement for his busted XXXLarge plastic boots last made in Canada right after the World War II and thus unavailable, was finally noticed as a superman and got himself a nick-name 'Robby - The Big Foot'.
- 'Ed - The Playmaker' exploded again and eclipsed the opponent's defense by fatal breakaways.
Otherwise, the game was an easy win for Hooters who played an exellent team hockey. If not for a great goaltending the Brewery could have count a few more pucks in their own net. As soon as the first period started three goals caused a nervous breakdown on a long Brewer's bench. Ed scored on a breakaway, then Willy echoed on a rebound of his own shot and then Robby-The Big Foot setup another Ed's breakaway, who same-tricked the goalie.  3-0. End of the first. The play was made and with Greg in the net, who literally shielded up all of the opponent's shots, the chances for Brewery to recover from the Hooters offensive impact were weakening with every minute. Two more goals were put on top of the first three when Brews tried to come back.' Ivan-The Desperate' sent one in on a pass from Ed and then Rob slapped the puck in from the blue line and under the roof to make it 5-0. At 12 pitchers to midnight Hooters' time (10:45 pm Central Standard Time) the team rushed to Woodlake square to enjoy the win and some beer, wings, music of the sixties and lots of boobage. At that time Jeff was doing something else.

GAME 11: HOOTERS BUSTED STARS 7-2 AND FINISHED # 1 TO CELEBRATE 010100.
A little tension in the Hooters locker room was in the air. Zamboni was off the ice and only 6 players including goalie were dressed to play. The ice was too bad and reminded the old style washing board causing bones to vibrate during skating. Early in the first the ice was fast snowed and the puck, otherwise bouncing like a rabbit, felt "ice-sticky" and players had to use their hockey sticks as shovels to move the snow along with the puck in it. As the game started Hooters took control of it and when Rob and Ivan finally showed up a pain of relief triggered the Hooters offensive.
Stars rushed in the Hooters zone but were robbed by Ed who made all the way to the net and opened the score. 1-0. Soon after that a pass from Willy put Ed in a favorable position and he made it 2-0. End of first. During the first minute of the second period Ivan got a pass from Ed and sent the puck under the roof, the place he like to go watch stars in the sky. 3-0. Stars seemed to start losing interest in the game as Hooters kept pounding their net. Willy and Eugene were desperate to score a goal, created lots of scoring chances but were denied and the shot Eugene made from the sharp angle in the open net did not work out - the puck hit the post. At the end of the second period Hooters were pressed hard by Stars but managed to handle the defensive and the combination started in the defensive zone by Skipper ended up with another goal. Skipper passed to Eugene, Eugene kicked the puck with his skate to Skipper who was at his best speed, then it went to Danny and when Skipper positioned himself in front of the net Danny passed the puck, Skipper made a quarter second pause, the goalie flattened on the ice and Skipper sent the puck under the roof. 4-0. Two a period looked good. Danny said: "We have two to go, dudes!". Eugene heard the message and on a pass from Willy sent the puck in the upper right corner and being airborned hit the board. It pleasantly hurt at 5-0 score. Minutes after that another offensive played by Willy and Eugene forced Stars to make mistakes. The defenseman saddled Willy, another defenseman knocked down Eugene whoes shot was denied by the goalie. But the puck rested nearby and in his horizontal position Eugene hit the puck to go into the net. The goalie was pissed off and almost broke Eugene's "magic" stick, hockey stick, of course. The Stars tried to come back and when Kevin W. was screened by three players the puck went in. 6-1. During another offensive Stars played the puck and it got lost. When the body heat steam dissipated the puck was found in the Hooters net. 6-2. Encouraged by their fans, among them were girl friends and former Hooters players (Sean and Manish) and to celebrate the millenium Hooters continued their offensive at a full strength. Willy, who yet missed the chance to score but assisted three goals was pushing hard to score a goal and this chance was given to him when a pass came from Ivan - The Desperate. Willy made it 7-2 and Hooters finished in the first place with excellent records (8-2-1, 17 points, +28). When shaking hands with Stars Eugene heard one of them saying: "Not good, not bad, just the regular Hooters play". And Eugene said: "Oh, yeah. 7 not good and 2 not bad. Cry baby, cry!" Happy 2000 everybody!

QUARTER FINAL: DID THE Y2K BUG DAMAGE HOOTERS OR THE SHARPENED HAWKS' BEAKS?
Really, the Hooters team with a perfect season record, which include #1 place, +28 goals, 8-2-1, was not supposed to lose the quarter final game to a team that's finished 8th. What happened?
The Y2K bug problem? Too much energy was wasted during the season? Black Hawks played well?
It is not unusual when Hooters come to the playoff game without being energized and cocked up well enough. The tactic approach may need to be improved in the future. The quarter final game started with a goal scored by the ambitious defensman Messier in his own net. 1-0. Hooters did not try to control the game and it was controlled by Black Hawks thereafter. They moved the play to the Hooters half of the ice and outshot them as the puck was moving around in the Hooters defensive zone a lot. Hawks tied the game when the puck sneaked in between Kevin's shinpads. 1-1. End of first. In the second Hawks played Hooters' sticks and bodies and therefore neutralized all efforts to change the scenario of the game. Hooters got nervous, retaliated and most of the second period played shorthanded. Was it a game plan smartly introduced by Hawks? On some reason the referees tolerated rough physical play of Hawks and picked on Hooters. Two of many defensive mistakes wound up with goals. In the second period Hawks scored a goal that set the timer. The third period started with another goal scored when Ed gave the puck to a Hawk in front of the net. 1-3. Now the pissed Hooters rushed in offensive but got busted and could not creat enough scoring chances. Shorthanded  Hawks scored on another defensive mistake to make it 1-4. What was going on? Hooters are known to be the best defensive team (+26). Time was running out and Ed was persistant enough to score a goal with 48 seconds left to play in the third. 2-4. What the f...! Beer got stuck in the throat that night. This happened in the past and the team rating is still high. Hooters gained respect in the league anyway.

PERIOD END